Badass.

One day Fern had a feeling that her feelings weren’t real. What am I REALLY feeling, she wondered. Like a minute ago, or maybe it was five seconds ago, I thought I felt happy but now I am not sure. Maybe I was feeling satisfied more than happy but why? And just thinking about being satisfied and why I might be feeling that way is making me jittery. Oh now I am feeling very jittery and there is a slight tightness in my chest. I know what that is, it is anxiety. Damn it. I hate that. Should I take an Ativan? No, I’ll tough it out. I am tough. I am a badass. I don’t need a pill. I don’t need a damn Calm app. I don’t need to listen to gentle rain. Phew. I feel much more in control now. I don’t need to call my therapist. She is so annoying anyway. She doesn’t even ask me about my feelings. Just staring at a person and waiting for them to talk is not at all helpful. Now I am feeling mad. But I won’t get worked up again. No way. Trying to sort out feelings is exhausting. Is there coffee left in the pot? Why does the coffee always taste so crappy? I need a shot of badass coffee. The hell with Morning Joe. I think I am feeling more focused. Is that a feeling? I think I’m feeling a little emotional. Are feelings emotions? Are emotions feelings? A person could get a headache trying to sort that out. Thank goodness I am a badass.